Well good morning. the sky is blue, birds are singing, and spring is finally obviously springing. but the world has changed in ways few of us could have imagined. the amount of suffering, sorrow, and distress in the world is almost inconceivable, we listen, but the front-lines know.
I am finding that I am not writing songs in the midst of additional hours and days. My mind is busy. I’m finding that my lyrics fail. When I think about posting a song, I don’t. Even though most of my songs are about courage and hanging in. There’s always something lacking.
This morning I woke up in my own bed, but as of 3 weeks ago I was scheduled to be waking up in a different city, and experiencing my first day of a month-long training for a new job A “day job” well actually probably an all-night job too. I waited for this day for more years than I should probably say in public, but I am not sad. I am right where I am meant to be.
I want to give this hurting world something. I have always felt that way probably all my life. All I have to offer are some shabby songs. I ask myself this morning which songs should I tell the stories behind today? The only one that came to mind was “Just Above this Curtain.”
This song was inspired as I sat on the jumpseat in the open doorway to the flight deck on a corporate jet, working as a flight attendant intern for 9 or 11 (depending on which of the 2 jets I was on that day, while Fortune 500 executives hammering out international mergers and acquisitions. When I was not serving gourmet foods plated with elegant precision on fine serving ware, I was sitting in my seat, looking out toward the vast and ever-changing horizon with all its indescribable colors.
Some days, when it was cloudy, there was no horizon at first -only white out, and sometimes very grey. There were times that the plane would come up through the cloud ceiling, revealing the bluest of blues and glorious sunshine, and it even seemed that the aircraft would speed up without the clouds holding it back. The flight deck and cabin would be flooded with intense sunlight, no longer held back or held prisoner.
As I sit here any type plane on short-final approach flies over my house and think about the people on board. Who are they? They are landing nearby, but ultimately, where are they going? Right now the people who are moving from place to place with gravity, duty, or perhaps fear.
“I would like to be home by tonight but it’s not in my hands on this flight…”In this song, I refer to a “bumpy ride” – aka turbulence. I refer to not knowing what is coming next. I refer to a fight, which could be interpreted as everyday daily battles, or something bigger. The bottom line is a message of assurance, even if neither I nor others appear to know the scoop, or seem to be in a whiteout, and not sure where we are going .I trust who I will see when I am just above the thin veil which separates the life I know now, full of challenges and the life which is to come for those who’s faith and trust is well-placed.
From the book I read from first thing every morning, come familiar words and phrases, ‘fire in the night…cloud’ a navigational system supernaturally and mercifully placed to guide a people coming out of terrible times, and into a Promised Land.
Because I make music across a wide range of platforms, among many people, I try to be very careful, not to use language which would be hard to understand. I hope that when people meet me they can sense the sincere love and concern that I have for each one.
Without that love and concern. Nothing that I do from preparing meals, washing dishes, laundry, cleaning, writing songs, sharing songs, or working a day job of hurling through the sky at 35000 feet, at several hundred miles per hour…No, none of it would have any meaning, without Love.
“I’d rather Cry by a fire in the night, enveloped in Cloud and no one can see where I am going. oh yeah it’s been a bumpy ride, yeah, I’m still hurting, but one thing is for certain, that I will see you with my own eyes just above this curtain.
Clouds in my eyes – Can’t trust my own sight, Guide me through blindness like a fire in the night. Tracing my tears, shaping my song…No time for fear – keep pressing on…
The lyrics are played by my band with a happy hopeful upbeat island sound. I do that, I wrote gut-level angsty lyrics, and can wrap them in a hopeful sound. I wonder if I were skilled at playing my own instruments If I could or would create a different pace and feel?
I have been quiet for quite some time on the songwriter front. I did give fair warning that I was shifting gears, but I really wasn’t specific about that. my days had been filled with studying three-digit city codes, identifying flashcards with pictures required equipment, and a whole new set of terms and definitions which were to become a new language for me.
I had laid aside my songwriting, with the exception of having had assembled and been rehearsing a coffee house event which was to be a sort of a farewell, and though there still may be a farewell oh, I’m not sure if there will be an event like that. So much has changed.
I have to figure out a way to work within the walls of tasks and also feelings. These are some of the hardest times I’ve ever known in my lifetime, but not for me at least not yet for others. and for that, my songs are not enough…we must all love our neighbors and do our very best.
So much Love,
I have been writing books based upon canine characters, and for now, the names have not been changed as they are Loosely based upon our pets. the purpose of these books is to illustrate some of the ways in which children who have experienced trauma might respond in a home and family setting afterward and while learning how to do life and family again.
My hopes are that the books will foster both empathy and discussion with other children surrounding little ones who have suffered trauma about some of the stress and misunderstandings. The books are turning out to have a comforting cadence, and tackle some odd subjects, with so much love, that there is assurance and security.